We lost Ace after 17 years. If you’ve found this page, you may be somewhere in that same place right now, and I’m so sorry.

There’s no right way to grieve a pet, and there’s no timeline for it. But some things do help. Veterinary grief counselors and researchers have learned a lot about what helps, and some of it I wish more people knew.

Your grief is real

The love was real, so the grief is too. Research on pet owners finds that losing a pet can bring grief as deep as losing a person. And because not everyone understands that, it can be lonely: the people around you may not see how much you’ve lost.

It’s normal to feel sadness, anger, guilt, numbness, trouble sleeping, or to half expect to hear them at the door. If you made the decision to say goodbye, doubting it afterward is one of the most common feelings there is, whether it came too soon or too late in your mind. It doesn’t mean you chose wrong. It means you loved them.

In the first days and weeks

• Let yourself grieve. Don’t rush it, even when it’s uncomfortable.

• Be around people who understand. Accept support when it’s offered, and lean on the friends who get it.

• Keep a memory. Look through photos, write a tribute, or write your pet a letter about your time together. Plant a flower or a tree in their favorite part of the yard. Keep their collar or a favorite toy nearby, or make a memory box with a paw print and a few photos.

• Go at your own pace. Grief is personal. There’s no deadline for the bowl or the bed.

Talking with children

Children deserve the truth, told simply. Use clear words like “died.” Phrases like “put to sleep” or “passed on” can confuse children, and some become afraid of going to sleep themselves.

Let them ask questions, even if you don’t have all the answers. If you can, give them a chance to say goodbye, and let them help remember: a drawing, a story, or sharing a favorite memory at dinner.

The pets still at home

Many owners notice changes in the pets left behind. A dog or cat may seek more attention, search for their friend or spend time in their friend’s favorite spot, eat or sleep differently, or seem anxious or withdrawn.

Keep their days as steady as you can: the same meals, walks and bedtime. A change that doesn’t ease deserves a visit to your veterinarian, and a pet who stops eating, especially a cat, needs to be seen quickly.

When to reach out

Talking to someone who understands pet loss can help, even once. These lines and groups are run by veterinary schools, veterinary associations and pet loss organizations:

• Cornell University Pet Loss Support Hotline: 607-218-7457. Veterinary students trained by grief counselors answer the calls. Hours change through the year, so call for the current times.

• Tufts Cummings School Pet Loss Support Helpline: 508-839-7966. Monday to Thursday, 6 to 9 p.m. Eastern, with voicemail returned at the next shift.

• Chicago Veterinary Medical Association Pet Loss Helpline: 630-325-1600. A free helpline: leave a message, and a volunteer calls you back.

• Lap of Love: a free online pet loss support group on Zoom, with sessions several times a week.

• Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement: free live group chat on a set schedule, Eastern time. You’ll need a free account to join.

If your sadness or guilt hasn’t eased after several weeks, or it’s making it hard to get through work or family life, it’s worth talking with a counselor or your doctor. And if you’re having thoughts of hurting yourself, please call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. It’s free, confidential and open any time, day or night.

When you’re ready, if you’re ready

There’s no right time to bring another animal into your life, and for some people the answer is never. A new pet doesn’t replace the one you lost. Some families open their hearts again fairly soon, and some take a long time. Try not to rush it just to make the hurt stop, and if you share your home, decide together.

Grief is the cost of loving them. You loved them well.

Ace’s story is where all of this began for us. You can read it in It Started with Ace.

This article shares general information about grief after losing a pet. It isn’t a substitute for support from a counselor or your doctor. If you’re in crisis, call or text 988.

Sources

Here are the sources behind this article. Support line details were checked on each program’s own page on November 1, 2026.

• American Veterinary Medical Association: Coping with the loss of a pet

• American Veterinary Medical Association: Euthanasia

• Cornell University College of Veterinary Medicine: Pet Loss Resources and Support

• Cornell University College of Veterinary Medicine: Stages of Grieving

• Tufts Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine: Pet Loss Support Helpline

• The Ohio State University Veterinary Medical Center: Coping with the Loss of a Pet, A Guide for Adults, Children and Surviving Animals

• Virginia-Maryland College of Veterinary Medicine, Veterinary Social Work: Helping Your Grieving Pet

• Chicago Veterinary Medical Association: Pet Loss Support

• Lap of Love: Pet Loss Support Resource Center

• Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement: Chat With Us

• 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline

• Hughes B, Lewis Harkin B. The Impact of Continuing Bonds Between Pet Owners and Their Pets Following the Death of Their Pet: A Systematic Narrative Synthesis. Omega, 2022

• Walker JK, Waran NK, Phillips CJC. Owners’ Perceptions of Their Animal’s Behavioural Response to the Loss of an Animal Companion. Animals, 2016

• Uccheddu S et al. Domestic dogs (Canis familiaris) grieve over the loss of a conspecific. Scientific Reports, 2022